Nobody's perfect. I GOTTA WORK IT.

This week I have been realizing that for the first time in years, I am enjoying school. I like what I'm learning, filling my brain with new knowledge, and having productive things to do with my time. I got one of my first A's on a test (ever since I've been at BYU I've probably gotten an A on a test roughly 2 times if we're rounding up) and it felt soooo good!

I'm literally so proud of myself because I haven't ever been able to enjoy school because #1 I haven't had a great attitude about it, and #2 I've always had so much anxiety about the deadlines and all that jazz. It was debilitating and made me unrealistically stressed and unhappy. But now I've learned techniques to help me and my counselor has been able to help me identify when my thinking is distorted. Through all of this I can truly say that I'm a lot happier and I have a lot of hope for the future.

I'm sharing this because it's hard to realize how necessary it is to have trials. A huge part of our culture right now is trying to show everyone that our lives our perfect. We don't want people to know that we struggle! But when it comes down to it, I am GLAD that we all struggle. How else would we learn? How else would we feel joy?

If I didn't have anxiety, I wouldn't be so thankful for the times that my mind is clear and focused. If school wasn't hard for me, I wouldn't be so proud of the 93% THAT I GOT ON MY FREAKING HARD HUMANITIES TEST. If I was perfect, I wouldn't use the gift of the Atonement and I wouldn't have as close of a relationship with Heavenly Father.

All I'm trying to say is that it's ok to struggle. It's ok that we have weaknesses. It's ok that we need help. And it's ok to not be ok. There is nothing wrong with you if your life isn't perfect because I can't think of one person whose life is.

Good job for waking up this morning

School might be the death of me. I've thought of dropping out at least 647 times. College + anxiety don't really work out too hot if ya know what I'm saying.

It's been a hard week. My anxiety is unpredictable. Sometimes I'm able to function normally and go throughout my day with only minor damage control, while other days it seems impossible to do even the simplest of tasks. 

A couple days ago I had to write a paragraph analyzing a painting. It was one of those special days filled with anxiety and sadness, and I literally had a mental break down because writing that paragraph felt impossible. After a long while, I was able to make my mind chill and I just told myself I didn't have to write it. I stopped worrying about it for a while, and later that night I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO WRITE IT! #IROCK

If I was comparing myself to the 30,000 other BYU students who could probably write a paragraph about art in their sleep, I would feel pretty bad about myself and my capabilities right now. But I've realized that that isn't important. What is important is that I am progressing and that I am doing the best I can.

No matter who you are or what you're doing, stop being so hard on yourself. Give yourself credit for even the little things, even if it's just writing a paragraph, because you deserve it. We are all doing our best, and we deserve to feel good about ourselves for continuing to try. 

"So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever."

-Elder Holland

You're a cool person all the time

Just like most people in the world, I struggle with having a good self image.

God created us; our bodies are a gift. He doesn't want us to be miserable and hateful towards ourselves. So for the pep talk of the day...

STOP:
Comparing yourself
Comparing your life situations
Saying rude things to yourself

START:
Being kind to yourself
Making the best of the life you've been given
Being confident in the things you do and say

Satan tells me all of the time that I'm not good enough and that I can't do it.
But every time I turn to the Lord and pray for strength, he brings me peace and reminds me that I'm HIS child and I have a purpose. We all do.

Today let's LOVE OURSELVES and remember that WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.

PEACE OUT SATAN.

I won't shrink

I just wanted to share an experience I had earlier today.

I've been having a little bit of a hard time these past couple of days. I have to keep my mind really strong or I start comparing myself to others or feeling that I'm bad or not good enough because of the way my mission turned out. Everyone has their own challenges, and right now, mine is learning to be ok with the fact that I came home early.

I had a friend tell me about a devotional that Elder Bednar gave called, "That We Might Not Shrink." It talks about how it is important not to "shrink" when facing trials. Elder Bednar describes shrinking as retreating or recoiling. I learned that it is so important to face your trials head on, and face them with faith. 

Jesus Christ knows us better than we know ourselves, and he knows what we need. I realized that I need to have greater faith and to accept the Lord's will for me. I need to move forward with confidence in the lord and confidence in myself.

Elder Bednar talks about a time where Bruce C. Hafen was going through chemotherapy. Before one of his treatments he said to his wife, "I just don't want to shrink." That line is so powerful to me. I as well do NOT want to shrink during this trial of my faith, and so I won't. I want to come out of this with a stronger testimony and greater trust in my brother, Jesus Christ, and my Heavenly Father. 

I love the Lord, and I know that he is looking out for me as well as every single one of his children. He is mindful of us all, and that's so comforting to me. We are never alone.

Don't Cry for me Argentina

Just about 3 weeks ago I was in Mendoza, Argentina, serving my mission. 

I served as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for 3 months: Not your typical experience. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most amazing thing ever! My mission didn't really turn out the way that I thought it would. I thought I would serve for 18 months until I came to understand that God had a different plan for me... PLOT TWIST. 

Being home is both easy and hard. I miss all of the members and our investigators in Argentina. I miss my trainer, Hermana Brown. She is truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met. That girl! Ahhh. Seriously an angel. I'm sad that I'm not fluent in Spanish. I'm sad that I physically/mentally wasn't able to accomplish what I had originally planned.... But it's ok. The Lord doesn't want us to have regrets. He wants us to work with what we've got and move forward in faith.

I am happy. :) I am happy that I get to be with my family. I am happy and SO THANKFUL that I got to serve. I am thankful that I was able to strengthen my testimony and learn more about the love that the Savior and Heavenly Father have for me. I am thankful that I learned a little bit of Spanish! (hola. como esta. adios. #toldya) I am thankful that I don't have to feel so sad and so much anxiety all of the time anymore. That was really hard. I'm thankful for the all of the growing that I did on my mission and for the opportunities I still have to grow. I'm thankful that I get to learn how to deal with anxiety so I can be happier and stronger for the rest of my life. I am thankful for the new perspective I have on how to be a better missionary and disciple of Christ every day.

I feel very blessed, and I wouldn't change this experience for anything. Hermana Brown kept telling me before I came home, "Remember Hermana Conlee, the cup is always half full, not half empty!" See? Seriously she rocks. Love her. But isn't that great advice no matter what stage of life we are in? To always look on the bright side and count your blessings? It is possible to find joy in the journey.

The Lord knows every single thing that has happened and will happen to us. He has a specific plan for everyone, and our job is to find out what that is. What is the point of life if we aren't doing the Lord's will ya know? Our plan won't look like anyone else's; we all have our own life mission.

Life is good and God is good!! We are sooo blessed! Plus, not going to lie. The U.S.A. knows what's up. It's a good place with heaters and air conditioning and all that jazz. #countyourblessings