This week I have been realizing that for the first time in years, I am enjoying school. I like what I'm learning, filling my brain with new knowledge, and having productive things to do with my time. I got one of my first A's on a test (ever since I've been at BYU I've probably gotten an A on a test roughly 2 times if we're rounding up) and it felt soooo good!
I'm literally so proud of myself because I haven't ever been able to enjoy school because #1 I haven't had a great attitude about it, and #2 I've always had so much anxiety about the deadlines and all that jazz. It was debilitating and made me unrealistically stressed and unhappy. But now I've learned techniques to help me and my counselor has been able to help me identify when my thinking is distorted. Through all of this I can truly say that I'm a lot happier and I have a lot of hope for the future.
I'm sharing this because it's hard to realize how necessary it is to have trials. A huge part of our culture right now is trying to show everyone that our lives our perfect. We don't want people to know that we struggle! But when it comes down to it, I am GLAD that we all struggle. How else would we learn? How else would we feel joy?
If I didn't have anxiety, I wouldn't be so thankful for the times that my mind is clear and focused. If school wasn't hard for me, I wouldn't be so proud of the 93% THAT I GOT ON MY FREAKING HARD HUMANITIES TEST. If I was perfect, I wouldn't use the gift of the Atonement and I wouldn't have as close of a relationship with Heavenly Father.
All I'm trying to say is that it's ok to struggle. It's ok that we have weaknesses. It's ok that we need help. And it's ok to not be ok. There is nothing wrong with you if your life isn't perfect because I can't think of one person whose life is.
