We are in the hands of God

Sometimes it is really hard to trust in the Lord's plan for you. Life is hard and I sometimes wonder how the trials I go through are helping me. In 1 Nephi 17 verses 50-52 it says,

"And I said unto them: If God had commanded me to do all things, I could do them...
And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?"

God is the most powerful being in the universe, yet He is still aware of you and all that you go through. Today in church, someone said something about how whatever happens in this life is for the best because we are in the hands of God. Knowing that, I think that we can all have a little more trust and a little more faith in our Lord.

Now listen to this song because it is powerful.

I am a poor wayfaring stranger

While traveling through this world of woe

Yet there's no sickness, toil or danger

In that bright world to which I go

I'm going there to see my father

I'm going there no more to roam

I'm only going over Jordan

I'm only going over home

I know dark clouds will gather around me

I know my way is rough and steep

Yet beauteous fields lie just before me

Where God's redeemed their vigils keep

I'm going there to my mother

She said she'd meet me when I come

I'm only going over Jordan

I'm only going over home

I don't think there is a way to express how I feel about this, so just let the song speak for itself. We will be taken care of because we are important to our Father in Heaven. Just keep trying and you will be ok. :)

"Seek ye for the kingdom of God"

"But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God." -Jacob 2:3

We've all seen that object lesson where you fill a jar by putting in ping pong balls first, followed by a smaller type of ball like marbles or something, followed by sand to fill the rest of the space. This week I had a goal to try and seek first the kingdom of God, and make sure I put the "ping pong balls" into my jar first instead of last. I wanted to make sure I was setting God as my priority. I honestly didn't do very well, so here is how I'm going to put it in perspective so I can try again next week.

We don't own our time, it was given to us. It's hard, as busy as we all are, to take time to remember what is most important. But I know that we're here on this earth for a greater purpose than to just finish our to do list each day. We're here to become more like Christ and build a stronger relationship with him. We're here to help others and bring light into the lives of those whose days are dark. We're here here to work, love, and learn. We have so much potential to do good. This next week, I am going put God first, give Him my time, and do what He would have me do.

You Matter

"22 Oh Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness... 23 And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels... 24 ...I will bring you up again out of the depth of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth." -Ether 2:22-24

While reading these verses, I was very impacted by how willing the Lord was to help the Brother of Jared. They needed light in their barges, but the Brother of Jared (Also why doesn't he have a real name??) didn't know how to go about it. The second that he asked the Lord for help, the Lord asked what the Brother of Jared needed Him to do. He then promised the Brother of Jared that he would take care of him and his people. The Lord reminds him that he controls the water and the wind and that he will keep them all safe.

It is so comforting to know that the Lord is in control. I also love a scripture from Exodus that my MTC companion, Hermana Sayer, would always talk about. It says, "10 And Moses said unto the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since though hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. 11 And the Lord said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, of the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord?"-Exodus 4:10-11

Hermana Sayer would talk about how when she was scared to teach or speak Spanish, she would read this verse and be reminded that she didn't need to worry. She would always joke that the Lord made our mouths so I'm pretty sure he can help us teach our fake MTC investigators ya know? ;)

Whenever we need help or we feel insignificant and forgotten, it helps us to remember who is in control. We matter to our Heavenly Father. No matter how small we feel in this world, we will always have someone who loves us. All we need to do is ask for the help of the Lord and He will be right there.

If you want to read a sweet talk about how God loves us by Elder Uchtdorf, I got you: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng

"My Grace is Sufficient..."

Ether 12:27 - "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness, I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I have a really big problem with perfectionism. I have been thinking in a certain way for so long that it's wired deep into my brain, and I have a habit of feeling like a "bad" person when I fall short of the unrealistic standards that I set for myself. If I wake up too late, if I don't read my scriptures for long enough, if I don't finish my homework or study for a test, if I don't exercise, etc., I feel so inadequate. I feel that falling short makes me a "bad" person. I've tried to think my way out of it, and sometimes I'm able to. But like I said, it's something that I feel deep down so I'm constantly working on it.

I didn't do my homework yesterday. I haven't read my scriptures as much as I wish I would have this week. I woke up late today and I'm feeling tired, anxious, and scared about what these next couple days are going to bring. Because of all of that, I'm having a hard time not feeling really bad about myself right now. This is why I chose this scripture to write about today.

It's ok that I fall short. It's ok that I don't do all that I plan to. I am human, therefore I am weak. And the Lord isn't mad at me for that. What He cares about is that I keep trying when I fail. This verse says that weakness makes us humble. Notice it doesn't say, "You are weak so you're a horrible person and you need to feel awful and shape up." We're shown our weakness so that we can work on it and become better. The grace of Jesus Christ is sufficient for everyone.

"Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." -Jeffrey R. Holland

We Got This

As I have been reading about Mormon, I've come to gain a lot of respect for him. The Nephites were so wicked, and they wouldn't repent. He couldn't really handle the wickedness anymore, so he told them that he wouldn't lead them anymore... But because he loved his people, he changed his mind.

"And it came to pass that I did go forth among the Nephites, and did repent of the oath which I had made that I would no more assist them; and they gave me command again of their armies."
 -Mormon 5:1

The reason that I think Mormon is so great is because he never gave up. All around him there was death and destruction. No one agreed with him and I imagine it was a very miserable time. Yet, he didn't complain. He just worked harder. He prayed, he preached, and he continued forward the best he could to lead the Nephites in battle.

I want to be like Mormon. I want to go forward without complaint and self pity. I want to continue on even when it's hard. Even if my circumstances aren't ideal, I'm going to keep trying the best that I know how and I'm going to keep relying on Christ. I CAN DO IT AND YOU CAN DO IT! (Am I Oprah now?)

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
-John Lennon

Happy

This week has been a really busy and hard week for me. I had 3 tests and a bunch of assignments and it was crazy. I wasn't doing well on my tests and I was feeling really bad about myself. I also realized that I wasn't reading my scriptures as well as I should have been because of my busyness. I think there is a correlation here if you catch my drift. I wasn't as close to Heavenly Father as I should have been and it made my week way harder. It was easier to feel to what Satan wanted me to feel than to have faith that everything would be ok and that I wasn't a "bad" person for not being great at school sometimes.

I read these scriptures in 4th Nephi:

"12 And they did not walk any more after the performances and ordinances of law of Moses; but they did walk after the commandments which they had received from their Lord and their God, continuing in fasting and prayer, and in meeting together oft both to pray and to hear the word of the Lord.

13 And it came to pass that there was no contention among all the people, in all the land; but there were mighty miracles wrought among the disciples of Jesus." -4 Nephi 1: 12-13

Remembering Christ and being obedient to Him help us feel more connected to Him and in sync with the Spirit. When I choose to read my scriptures and pray sincerely, I'm happier, I have a greater ability to help others, and I love myself more because I can feel the Savior's love for me.

I encourage everyone (the 2 people who read this aka my mom and dad) to ask the Savior how He feels about you, and always remember your infinite worth. We are children of God and it is our responsibility to take that seriously and be obedient to what God has asked us to do. I know that this brings true happiness, and I know that we can do anything through Christ.

Your Mom

"47 Now they never had fought yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of the mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it." Alma 56: 47-48

I was reading about the Stripling Warriors today and I learned 10039 things, one of them being that I most likely want to marry a Stripling Warrior.

I read an article that said that their ages ranged from about 13-20 years old... I can't even walk in the snow and they're just chillin over here beating up huge armies of strong men that are way older than them. It's fine.

The thing that I think is so cool is that one of the main reasons they were able to conquer these armies is because of the things they learned from their mothers. Their mothers taught them to be selfless, to serve, to have courage, faith, and trust. They taught their sons to be brave and never to fear because the Lord would deliver them. I imagine their mothers were so strong and kind. I imaging they taught their children by example and experiences. I know I'm not a mother yet, but when I am, I want to be like these women.

A really good example of someone who is like this is my GISELE! Aka my mom, therapist, best friend, and dance party/fake opera singing/eating all of the sugar in the house/everything partner. She teaches me by example. She is always trying to become better and learn from every experience she comes in contact with. She is service oriented and SO selfless. She knows who she is and doesn't compare herself to others. To top it all off she is the best baker I've ever met and she's slowly making me obese but I'm fine with it.

I'm so thankful for the good examples surrounding me and I'm thankful for the things I learn from the scriptures. I would suggest reading Alma 57 because it has officially changed my outlook on life. If the 15 year old Stripling Warriors can trust in the Lord, fight, and conquer their battles, we can do the same with the battles we face every day. I love the Lord and I love the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Consider the Lilies

This week I was reading in 3 Nephi and almost died because I realized that my favorite scripture from the New Testament IS ALSO IN THE BOOK OF MORMON. Literally what is going on?

3 Nephi 13:28

"And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin."

This scripture shows how much God loves his children. Whenever I feel anxiety, I pray. I pray for strength to go to class and strength to make it through the day. I pray for a greater capacity to learn when I feel unable to think. I pray when I'm stressed and when I feel inadequate and incapable to do the things that I want to. I know that He has heard every word, and this whole chapter was an answer to these prayers that I've been praying. I was reminded to be mindful and to just stop for a minute. I don't think the Lord wants us to be so stressed that we're unable to focus on what really matters. This simple idea brings me so much comfort. I feel like it's Jesus telling me to just stop for a minute. Look at the flowers and be still. Those lilies are very small creations, but God still takes care of them. And I don't need to worry because I will be taken care of as well. I was reminded to have faith in God's plan. He loves me no matter what and He knows I'm trying my best.

I think we would all be better off if we could just stop and consider the lilies every once and a while and remember God's love for us.

"One by One"

"And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come." - 3 Nephi 11:15

I love how it says that they came to Christ "one by one". I know that Jesus Christ cares about each one of us as individuals. He knows us and it's important for us to get to know him as well. 

I had a week filled with a lot of anxiety. I felt really bad about myself because I feel like there are certain things that I should be able to do, but sometimes my mind just gets the best of me! Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know me so well, and they put me into a family with a father who is caring and willing to listen. I told my dad what I was feeling, and he helped me out a lot. He and I have very similar ways of thinking and we related in a way that was really cool for me to see. He told me just what I needed to hear.

I am so thankful that our Father and Brother in Heaven care about the little details of our lives. I'm thankful that we never have to feel alone. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are just waiting for us to reach out to them and that they hear every prayer we pray.

To Receive Strength

For my Book of Mormon class, we're required to post a weekly thought on something we learned from the scriptures. I hope you enjoy the thought for this week :)

The Book of Mormon passage that I really liked from my study this week was 3 Nephi 4:8 & 29. 

"8 And it came to pass that the armies of the Nephites, when they saw the appearance of the army of Giddianhi, had all fallen to the earth, and did lift their cries to the Lord their God, that he would spare them and deliver them out of the hands of their enemies.

29 May the Lord preserve his people in righteousness and in holiness of heart, that they may cause to be felled to the earth all who shall seek to slay them because of power and secret combinations, even as this man hath been felled to the earth."

I think about the armies of the Nephites and how terrified they must have been to see these blood thirsty, cruel men coming to fight them. But their reaction to this terror is something that I really admire. The second they saw these men, they dropped to their knees and prayed for help to deliver them from their enemies. They knew that God was stronger than all men. They understood that He loved them enough to deliver them in their time of need. 

We all have different enemies that sometimes seem impossible to conquer. That's exactly how I felt on my first couple days of school this semester. I went home crying because I felt so inadequate and overwhelmed. But through prayer and trust in the Lord, I've received strength to overcome my "enemies" and a greater capacity to learn and understand. 

The Atonement of Jesus Christ brings added strength that enables us to face our challenges with confidence and peace. I know that Jesus Christ lives and Heavenly Father really is our Father. I know that they care about the details of our lives and want us to succeed. 

Nobody's perfect. I GOTTA WORK IT.

This week I have been realizing that for the first time in years, I am enjoying school. I like what I'm learning, filling my brain with new knowledge, and having productive things to do with my time. I got one of my first A's on a test (ever since I've been at BYU I've probably gotten an A on a test roughly 2 times if we're rounding up) and it felt soooo good!

I'm literally so proud of myself because I haven't ever been able to enjoy school because #1 I haven't had a great attitude about it, and #2 I've always had so much anxiety about the deadlines and all that jazz. It was debilitating and made me unrealistically stressed and unhappy. But now I've learned techniques to help me and my counselor has been able to help me identify when my thinking is distorted. Through all of this I can truly say that I'm a lot happier and I have a lot of hope for the future.

I'm sharing this because it's hard to realize how necessary it is to have trials. A huge part of our culture right now is trying to show everyone that our lives our perfect. We don't want people to know that we struggle! But when it comes down to it, I am GLAD that we all struggle. How else would we learn? How else would we feel joy?

If I didn't have anxiety, I wouldn't be so thankful for the times that my mind is clear and focused. If school wasn't hard for me, I wouldn't be so proud of the 93% THAT I GOT ON MY FREAKING HARD HUMANITIES TEST. If I was perfect, I wouldn't use the gift of the Atonement and I wouldn't have as close of a relationship with Heavenly Father.

All I'm trying to say is that it's ok to struggle. It's ok that we have weaknesses. It's ok that we need help. And it's ok to not be ok. There is nothing wrong with you if your life isn't perfect because I can't think of one person whose life is.

Good job for waking up this morning

School might be the death of me. I've thought of dropping out at least 647 times. College + anxiety don't really work out too hot if ya know what I'm saying.

It's been a hard week. My anxiety is unpredictable. Sometimes I'm able to function normally and go throughout my day with only minor damage control, while other days it seems impossible to do even the simplest of tasks. 

A couple days ago I had to write a paragraph analyzing a painting. It was one of those special days filled with anxiety and sadness, and I literally had a mental break down because writing that paragraph felt impossible. After a long while, I was able to make my mind chill and I just told myself I didn't have to write it. I stopped worrying about it for a while, and later that night I WAS ACTUALLY ABLE TO WRITE IT! #IROCK

If I was comparing myself to the 30,000 other BYU students who could probably write a paragraph about art in their sleep, I would feel pretty bad about myself and my capabilities right now. But I've realized that that isn't important. What is important is that I am progressing and that I am doing the best I can.

No matter who you are or what you're doing, stop being so hard on yourself. Give yourself credit for even the little things, even if it's just writing a paragraph, because you deserve it. We are all doing our best, and we deserve to feel good about ourselves for continuing to try. 

"So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever."

-Elder Holland

You're a cool person all the time

Just like most people in the world, I struggle with having a good self image.

God created us; our bodies are a gift. He doesn't want us to be miserable and hateful towards ourselves. So for the pep talk of the day...

STOP:
Comparing yourself
Comparing your life situations
Saying rude things to yourself

START:
Being kind to yourself
Making the best of the life you've been given
Being confident in the things you do and say

Satan tells me all of the time that I'm not good enough and that I can't do it.
But every time I turn to the Lord and pray for strength, he brings me peace and reminds me that I'm HIS child and I have a purpose. We all do.

Today let's LOVE OURSELVES and remember that WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.

PEACE OUT SATAN.